My marriage ended and my new life began with a bang. I had been with my husband for most of my adult life. It took all of my energy to try to fix our marriage but it was doomed to failure from the outset. There was a moment when I could have given up on life and I nearly did.
I was on the phone to a friend while sitting in my car in my home town, ready to drive home after doing some shopping.
A Hollywood movie star walked across the road in front of my parked car. And not just any movie star but the one I had drooled over for years. I watched every movie he was in and fantasized about meeting him one day.
That day had finally come, just a few short months after my marriage ended. Our eyes met through my car windshield and I’m pretty sure he knew I recognized who he was. My jaw was probably still on the floor.
My brain went into overdrive. I could run one last errand before going home. I could find an excuse to hang around in the hopes I could approach him and ask him for a selfie! I got out of my car. There was a light rain falling and I stood at a crossroads, scanning around to see where he’d gone. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him sitting in the window of a coffee shop.
I don’t know what I was thinking, I was just going with my instincts. Running on adrenaline and trying to calm my nerves.
I played with my umbrella, as if I was having difficulty opening it. I don’t know what I was thinking, I was just going with my instincts. Running on adrenaline and trying to calm my nerves.
Crazily it worked. I walked into a grocery store for a moment, and when I came back out, he was waiting for me. I said hi, asked if he was who I thought he was and if I could have a photograph with him.
“Don’t do that”, he said in his dreamy voice, “Don’t be a fan. Why don’t we just go for a walk.”
So there I was walking along the main road in my town with a Hollywood star I had admired for years. We attracted envious glances from people we passed by. He needed to go into the barber’s to ask about a beard trimmer and I stood grinning and giggling in the doorway like a schoolgirl up to some fabulous mischief.
We walked and talked. He took a call from his agent and told him he would call back as he was busy. I felt seen and respected.
I know I was fooling myself and you might think I am trying to justify a fling that meant nothing to him. But it had such a positive impact on me in such a dark time that I can’t see it as anything but a karmic boost sent my way to give me a reason to keep going.
I was skinny and in my late 30s, I’d had my breast implants removed a year before as my marriage was imploding, and felt unwomanly. But here was a gorgeous man who could have his pick of women. I had heard he had been dating Cameron Diaz before he appeared in my home town.
I felt like a goddess.
We walked all the way to my home, he said hi to my teenage daughter and then I realized I had left my car in town! We laughed about it and headed back into town before I gave him a ride to the place he was staying. My car was a mess of the usual mom trash but he didn’t seem to care at all.
He looked me straight in the eye as he stepped out of my car and asked for my number.
I knew or at least suspected it was a booty call when he called later that evening. But I was on cloud nine, after the misery of the previous few months and the harrowing final years of my marriage. I didn’t hesitate. I dressed up in my sexiest underwear and a black maxi dress that made me feel good.
I felt as if the universe was telling me I was worthy of its time and attention. I was deserving of getting to see my fantasies become reality. Little did I know then that I would one day become the writer I always wanted to be as well.
When you allow the universe to give you what you deserve, there is no limit to what you can receive.
Over the years of my marriage I had come to believe that I wasn’t worth anything. But here was a man telling me I was beautiful and sexy and that he wanted to be with me.
I’m not going to name him, it’s not fair to him or to anyone else. He’s still making movies and still making women swoon, more than a decade on.
We parked in my car and made out like teenagers.
“I love you looking at me like that.” he said. I’m not sure how I was looking at him, possibly hungrily. I couldn’t believe my luck. He was gorgeous.
It was a chilly night and my car battery died as we kept the heater on to stay warm. We didn’t mind, we chatted as we fell asleep in my car in the middle of nowhere.
We spooned together and slept comfortably as we waited for the breakdown service to get to us.
It was the most affection I’d received from a man for a very long time. When the breakdown recovery guy arrived, he woke us up by knocking on the car window. I’m sure he recognized the man holding me in his arms.
Looks were exchanged, but nothing was said.
I felt guilty, but I also felt fabulous
My self-confidence had been eroded over many years by my narcissistic husband and here was a man renowned for dating many beautiful women showing me attention. Listening to what I had to say.
We met up again a few days later, one day after my birthday and this time went back to the house he was staying in. He sang happy birthday to me.
When he was back in town six months later we hooked up again and this time was the last. I still have his number on my phone, but I’ll never call it.
I’m now an independent, confident single woman. I’ve spent a lot of time on personal development in recent years and I certainly don’t need any man to validate me as a person or as a woman. But at that time in my life, a fling with a sexy celebrity was exactly what I needed.
I still think about those few days with no regret or shame
I’ve never really believed in karma, but the timing of that man walking into my life was perfect and it still makes me smile that it gave me such a confidence boost. That I believed I deserved to be seen and desired. And that my wants and needs were important too.
It’s a secret that will always be with me and always make me believe that even when things seem relentlessly bad, there is something magical waiting around the corner. I now believe the universe has my back and even on my darkest days, I have memories of a crazy, wild affair that sustain me. And after that, who knows what the future might bring?
Sometimes a rare treat is offered to you on a silver platter, you just need to decide if you want to reach out and take it.
There are no boundaries to your imagination, why should there be limits to your expectations for life’s adventures?
When all else fails, trust the universe to have your back. You never know what thrilling experiences life might have in store for you.